How women and men interface on a daily basis has a significant impact on physical and emotional health. I have had the pleasure of knowing and treating many wonderful men in my life and, with their input, I am devising a list of things these men think are important for women and society to know. These observations are often not found in traditional textbooks on relationships and gender roles. I share this list with you, keeping in mind; this is a work in progress. I’d love to know what the men out there think about this manifesto and I welcome your input. [My personal comments are in brackets.]
1. Men are beautiful. Masculinity is life-affirming and life-supporting. Male sexuality generates life. The male body needs and deserves nurturing and protection. [A bit one sided, I know, but manifestos are like that. Men are, in reality, beautiful, and ugly, and fascinating, and boring, and mature, and childish, and positive, and negative.]
2. A man’s value is not measured by what he produces. Men are not merely their profession. They need to be loved for who they are. They make money to support life. Their challenge, and the adventure that makes life full, is making soul. [A bit partial, I know, but worth stating as a counterbalance to the usual doctrine of men.]
3. Men are not flawed by nature. They become destructive when their masculinity is damaged. Violence springs from desperation and fear rather than from authentic manhood.
4. A man does not have to live up to any narrow, societal image of manhood. There are many ancient images of men as healers, protectors, lovers, and partners with women, men, and nature. This is how men are in their depths: celebrators of life, ethical, and strong.
5 .Men do not need to become more like women in order to reconnect with their soul. Women can help by giving men room to change, grow, and rediscover masculine depth. Women also support men’s healing by seeking out and affirming the good in them.
6. Masculinity does not require the denial of deep feeling. Men have the right to express all their feelings. In our society, this takes courage and the support of others. Men start to die when they are afraid to say or act upon, in appropriate ways, an expanding range of feelings.
7. Men are not only competitors. Men are also brothers. It is natural for men to cooperate and support each other. Men find strength and healing through telling the truth to one another – man to man. [An opportunity so often not available to them in our society.]
8. Men deserve the same rights as women for custody of children, economic support, government aid, education, health care, and protection from abuse. Fathers are as important in the parenting of their children as are mothers. Fatherhood is honorable. [This assumes a level playing field for both women and men, which our society has yet to provide.]
9. Men and women can be equal partners. As men learn to treat women more fairy, they also want women to work toward a vision of partnership that does not require men to become less than who they authentically are. [Men and women cannot be equal in a culture of inequality, and until the culture changes, equality may be impossible.]
10. Sometimes men have the right to be wrong, irresponsible, unpredictable, silly, inconsistent, afraid, indecisive, experimental, insecure, visionary, lustful, lazy, fat, bald, old, playful, fierce, irreverent, magical, wild, impractical, unconventional, and other things they are not supposed to be in a culture that circumscribes men’s lives with rigid roles.