“Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.”
- Henry James
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” -Aesop
How do you make decisions about what to do or what to say? What kinds of rules do you live by?
Elementary school teachers, Sunday school teachers, as well as parents, of course, often teach The Golden Rule. Sometimes it can be tricky to get kids to understand the concept. Even adults can be fuzzy on just what this requires.
It basically comes down to, “Be kind.”
Kindness doesn’t require saintliness. Kindness isn’t the realm only of the Mother Theresas of the world. Kindness has its place in almost every activity that occurs between people. The most important component of kindness is probably consciousness. It means paying attention to what effect your words or actions may have, did have, or will have on another person. If that effect is hurtful or harmful in any way, consider carefully if there is a kinder, gentler way of speaking or acting.
It’s much too easy to come up with excuses or explanations for unkind behavior – I just wasn’t thinking; he really deserved it; I couldn’t help myself; I didn’t have time to worry about that; etc. But it still comes down to behaving in a way that inflicts some distress, whether major or minor. The aspiration needs to be to behave instead with sensitivity and compassion, acceptance and generosity.
Why bother? Because every word or deed that hurts another also damages you. We are all connected. Every deed begets another.  nd if one of these is unkind, then what follows is necessarily influenced by that. In social psychology, it’s called contagion. We tend to behave as others behave. Every action will have social consequences that resonate through the interpersonal web.
In every relationship, no matter how fleeting, your behavior affects the other person’s behavior. If yours is unkind, the consequences are likely to be negative. If yours is kind, then those consequences are likely to be positive. Whichever one it was, the consequences cannot help but come back to you in some way. So, pretty much everything you do will affect yourself, as well as the larger social universe. In Buddhist thought, this is the concept of karma.
More than caution about any particular word or deed, mostly this comes down to consciousness and kindness. Make the effort to be aware of how your words and deeds are impacting other people. Make the choices that are grounded in kindness. Make the choices that you would have other people make when you are the recipient. Oh, there you go – we’re back to the Golden Rule after all. It’s not just for kids. It’s a choice to live by.