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Robert A. Fontana, L.C.S.W
Anger Management + Emotional Awareness = Being Temperate
Robert A. Fontana Marriage Therapist

Anger Management + Emotional Awareness = Being Temperate

Anger Management + Emotional Awareness = Being Temperate

Controlling our anger is almost always a good decision. Being a temperate individual has been shown to allay a long list of physical ailments from high blood pressure, to cancer. The emotional benefits are equally significant. Any adult or child able to effectively monitor their angry reactions will reap the rewards of developing confidence, humility, empathy and compassion.

They are more likely to be viewed by others as respectable, mature, safe and approachable. This is the assertion, from court ordered anger management programs to executive leadership workshops. The individual, who makes the efforts to be temperate, will undoubtedly improve the quality of their relationships and overall wellbeing.

So why does anger often undo us? Why is it possible that a person reputed to be kind and fair minded in the workplace or community can be impatient, controlling, verbally hurtful, and even violent with their closest family members? What drives the toxic anger that often leaves its recipients so hurt? How can this anger at first make the offender feel powerful, and then leave them with a residue of guilt, shame and self loathing.

Anger occurs when we react to emotions we want to avoid feeling. It is the first line of defense for those who have not learned or developed an adequate skill set to effectively cope with emotions.

Sensitizing oneself to an increased emotional awareness does not mean eliminating anger. That is impossible. What is possible though is disempowering anger by learning the skills to intercept a potentially angry reaction and use it as a roadmap to an increased awareness of your true emotions.

Those skills are then coupled with developing the ability to effectively communicate emotionally laden content while maintaining an empathetic awareness of the other person.

When put into regular practice the angry person begins to relax, and feel the emotional rewards of having repaired their relationships and their own personal integrity.

Anyone with an anger problem has to accept that anger is an illusion of power and has not served them well. To move forward will require embracing this notion, so the shame and self loathing that anger so often creates can be confronted and let go. Then one is prepared to receive the integrity, compassion, humility, confidence and true power derived from being a less angry and more temperate individual.

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