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Emotional Manipulators
Emotional manipulation is the fine art of “salesmanship.” When it is used in a devious manner to influence the perception and behaviors of others for their own advantage without regard for the other person, it is considered “victimizing.” It is carried out as a covert aggressive intention toward the victim on the part of the manipulator, who knows the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim and has no qualms about hurting the victim.
An emotional manipulator uses both words and emotions to turn things around. They are absolute mastersat not taking personal responsibility for anything. They seldom express their needs or desires openly. They get what they want through emotional manipulation using passive-aggressive techniques such aspunishing you by withholding affection and blame-casting to make you feel guilty or incompetent, expressing how deeply wounded they feel by your accusations towards them.
They have no sense of accountability. They intentionally keep the emotional climate chaotic and charged, knowing that as long as you are uncomfortable they have control of your mind and your behavior. If you engage them by challenging their intimidating behavior or words, they will agree with you and then not change anything they are doing.
The key elements that stand out when in a relationship with an emotional manipulator is the constant friction. Emotional manipulators use seduction and flattery to make their victims feel “special” and gain their trust. Alternately, they use sarcasm, put-downs, verbal or physical aggression to instill self doubts in their victims and coerce them. Ultimately, they will use abandonment.
In relationships, emotional manipulators feign innocence or confusion about issues. They chose victims who will avoid upsetting, confronting, or contradicting the manipulator in a way that the relationship will ultimately be threatened or come to an end, or where the manipulator will no longer have dominance or superiority over the victim. Victims have a general tendency to want to please others, and earn the approval of the emotional manipulator by talking to the person rationally. The victim tries to identify an understandable reason the emotional manipulator is being hurtful.
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect and trust, and sharing honest thoughts and feelings. 80% of the relationships in the world are built on power imbalances with one up/one down relationships. If you have a relationship with someone who is an emotional manipulator, the best thing you can do is to work with a psychotherapist or pastoral counselor to strengthen your relationship bonds.
