Discipline and Your Child Part Two

By Janet V. Johnson, MD

Loving Care Pediatrics

More Family/Primary Care Articles

Discipline and Your Child Part Two

Part 2

Last month's article discussed discipline for younger children, aged 0-5. This month's article will continue this theme, discussing older children.

6-8

Timeouts and consequences are an effective discipline strategy for this age group. Consistency is crucial, as well as the follow through for the discipline. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Children have to believe that you mean what you say. Your yes should mean yes and your no should mean no. Make sure that you do not make unrealistic threats of punishment in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. For example, if you state you will turn the car around and go home because of bad behavior, make sure you do exactly that. The creditability you'll gain with your children is much more valuable than a lost day at the park or beach. Also, remember that huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. Grounding a child for a month, may not motivate them to change behaviors because everything has been taken away.

9-12

With this age group as with all age groups, children can be disciplined with natural consequences. They begin to request for more independence and responsibility as they mature, so teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an appropriate and effective method of discipline.

For a parent it is natural to want to rescue and shelter their child from mistakes. However, in the long run they do their child a favor by letting them fall sometimes. For example, if a child has an assignment and now there is no time to complete it by the due date. Do you as the parent stay up to do it or lend a hand yourself? Probably notyou'll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson. If the work is incomplete, they go to school without it or half done the next day and suffer the consequence of the resulting bad grade and ridicule from classmates. They now see what behaving improperly can mean and probably won't make the same mistake again.

Ages 13 and up

Now that the ground work has been laid, your child knows what is expected and that you mean what you say about the penalties for bad behavior. Remember, discipline is just as important for teens as it is for younger children, so don't let your guard down. Set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating. Discuss beforehand with your teen your expected rules so there will be no misunderstandings. There will be complaints from time to time, but realize you are the parent and you are in control.

Whenever there is a break in the rules as there will be from time to time, taking away privileges may seem to be the best plan of action. But also discuss the reasoning behind the discipline, for example there was an unacceptable and worrisome behavior that warranted the consequences. Remember, to give a teenager some control over things and decisions. This will limit the number of power struggles that the two of you will have and it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make.