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The following article was published in Your Health Magazine. Our mission is to empower people to live healthier.
Kathi Whitten, LCSW
Managing Anger
No. VA Psychotherapy Associates
. http://www.kathiwhitten.com/

Managing Anger

Sometimes people believe anger has to be harsh, loud, punishing, blaming or attacking to be effective, because that's how they've experienced it in the past. However, expression of anger doesn't have to be intense or hurtful.

Anger is bodily sensations our bodies tighten and contract, sometimes stomach or teeth clench. It's also an emotion. Our interpretation of an event triggers the experience of anger. In the clutch of the feelings, it can be hard to realize that our viewpoint may not be the only (accurate) one, because intense emotion makes such reasoning difficult (and hard to remember that others also have valid viewpoints).

During our lifetime, we've unknowingly had our personal anger style reinforced by the responses of those around us. Some people learned to yell and shout, others to hit, while others stuffed it inside and felt miserable in private.

Assuming people are born with different temperaments-some calm, others more easily aroused, the expression of anger is still largely an acquired habit.

With some effort, people can learn to convert ineffective or explosive anger into using anger in ways that are helpful and productive. It is possible to communicate anger without threatening others or leaving them feeling defensive.

Some conditions make anger worse alcohol/drugs, depression/anxiety, or poor coping skills. People who feel trapped, misunderstood or defensive sometimes use anger to manage their underlying feelings. Anger can also be used as a form of power or coercion something often seen in domestic abuse situations.

Most anger, though, is the garden variety everyday frustrations and obstacles. If we use anger wisely, it can guide us through conflicts and situations that seem to block our way to things. However, anyone who experiences unremitting anger, chronic anger, helpless/futile anger, or explosive and sometimes violent forms of anger, needs help in learning better ways to manage situations.

Anger that's well managed helps situations improve. But when it is ineffectual or even hurtful to oneself or others, it is putting people at risk physically, emotionally, and in relationships.

Psychotherapy is a good place to work on anger issues. You can explore what triggers your anger, and learn more skillful ways to manage it. If you feel you're having anger problems (either anger overpowers you, or you are getting feedback from others that your anger hurts them), consider an evaluation for therapy to help you learn new methods of handling it.

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