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Need Help Communicating With Your Partner? Three Tips For Communication That Connects You and Your Partner
The most common compliant couples have when they come to therapy is by far the same: We can’t communicate. The truth is, communication is not easy. The good news is these skills can be learned and you can learn more effectively to communicate in your relationship.
Here are three strategies you can start using today to improve communication.
1. Listen
Of course, I’m listening, you might think to yourself. But are you truly listening? Active listening requires you to focus on what the speaker is saying. In couple’s relationships, listening to one another is often taken for granted. We listen to respond rather than listen to understand. During a heated discussion you may think you are listening to your partner, what you are likely doing is preparing your response. Take the time to stop and listen to what is being said. Ask questions to get more information so you can fully understand your partner’s experience.
2. Manage Your Reaction
How do you respond to your partner when you hear something you don’t agree with or is difficult to hear? Do you become defensive, yell, name call or blame? When you lose your cool and let emotions get out of control, your point becomes lost. The focus is now on your negative reaction. I’m not saying this is easy, especially when the emotional brain is activated. But the more you manage your emotional reactions, the better chance you have reaching your desired outcome.
3. Assert Yourself
Sometimes people confuse being assertive with being pushy or aggressive. Assertiveness is about expressing yourself in a respectful and direct way. Whereas being aggressive is harsh and hurtful. Being assertive in your relationship allows you to express your thoughts, feelings, wants and desires openly and honestly to your partner. It is the best way to negotiate differences in your relationship, so everyone wins.
Communication Creates the Connection
Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Effective communication skills don’t come naturally. They take practice. I encourage you to pick one area you know you could improve. Make the changes outlined in this guide for one week and notice the improvement you see in your relationship with your partner and with yourself.
