Retirement Or Refinement

By Robert A. Fontana, L.C.S.W

Robert A. Fontana Marriage Therapist

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Retirement Or Refinement

By the time an adult reaches the age when they start to consider retirement (55+), one would think that the emotions surrounding this transition have been well rehearsed. After all of the life changes a mature person has been through, why would retirement be any more or less difficult? The unique dilemmas of this stage in life have much to do with what we associate with the idea of retiring and how well we have dealt with earlier life transitions.

First, let us look at the inadequacy of the word “retire.” The dictionary defines retire as, “to withdraw to a secluded place, to go to bed, to give up one’s work or business, to retreat;” and the final nail in the coffin, “to withdraw from use.” The negative association with senior status is inherent within the expressions we assign to it.

Next, how well have you dealt with past transitions? Were you mentored into adulthood, or scared to leave behind the comforts of childhood?

Did you embrace the roles of being a spouse, parent, productive employee or passionate leader? Or struggle with ambivalence and resentment towards those responsibilities?

Did you grieve, make sense of or come to terms with your losses? Or remain defeated by those experiences you were unprepared for? Chances are most transitions were the inevitable mixed bag of emotions from an enthusiastic welcoming of change to sadness over what’s been lost or unfulfilled.

Our later years offer a transition that asks us to question the negativity of retirement and redefine it as a “refinement a time to become more polished or elegant.” At this stage in our development the challenge is to move towards the integrity of our life rather than retreat into despair.

This transition requires a reviving of those beliefs, activities, and relationships that help us to embrace our dignified self and focus on the best of what we have learned and who we have become. The alternative can result in a withdrawal and a floundering in the regrets of our discontented past, leaving us angry and unwilling to connect with others.

Research on quality of life, aging, and longevity all endorse the necessity of valued relationships, a spiritual or philosophical belief system, and typically viewing of one’s life with a prideful feeling of integrity. The “retirement” transition can be an exciting time for growth if we allow ourselves to seek our personal “refinement.”