Resolutions, Patience, and Optimism

By Robert A. Fontana, L.C.S.W

Robert A. Fontana Marriage Therapist

More Mental Health Articles

Resolutions, Patience, and Optimism

This time of year, almost every morning talk show features some therapist discussing the benefits and pitfalls of making New Year's resolutions. So I thought I would weigh-in (no pun intended; you can see my portly photo) on this topic.

Resolutions start off as a “firm and purposeful statement of determination.” For example, I will stop smoking; I will lose 40lbs; I will stop procrastinating; I will be nicer to my mother-in-law, etc. We all begin from an honest evaluation of those behaviors that distress us and we commit to eliminate them. Yet the process of change and the rigidity of resolutions are not so harmonious unless patience and optimism are added to the mix.

Patience allows for a “calm endurance” to be applied to any desired change. We naturally become more forgiving and less judgmental of ourselves as we encounter setbacks to achieving our goals. Perhaps patience can help us redefine our resolutions as more of a comforting reminder for what we wish to change and to be respectful to ourselves when our progress is slow and not as immediately gratifying as we had hoped.

The lessons learned by practicing the calm endurance of patience are more in sync with most other life experiences. Adapting to a new job takes three to six months. This process is commonly known as a “learning curve.” A college degree usually requires a full time four-year commitment. This too is a learning curve.

We naturally become more confident and optimistic as we calmly endure and accept that we will soon become more astute at those things we once thought were unachievable.

Even when a couple makes a resolution to change a destructive pattern, the learning curve requires a long term practice of a new positive behavior and a respectful recognition of the periodic inconsistency that can either become a pessimistic hopelessness or an optimistic reminder of how the old behavior doesn't work and how the new behavior embodies hope and positive change if you apply a calm endurance (patience).

Optimism is really what a “resolution” implies. It is the tendency to take the most hopeful view of matters, a desire for change, a more positive outlook of your future, and the excitement of letting go of those things that hold us back. May all your resolutions help you to embrace a healthy dose of patience and optimism in the new year.